


Not Enough Bats in my Belfry

by xama



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, set in the time when jack drake was in a coma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 04:05:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11843640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xama/pseuds/xama
Summary: Bruce momentarily knew how it felt to be one of the criminals he regularly faced: surprised, confused, and terrified. Given these factors, it’s unsurprising that he made a sound which can best be described as an attempt at communication with this nighttime visitor.His new friend, perhaps in appreciation, shrieked at him, then slammed into the wall.





	Not Enough Bats in my Belfry

“You’re too late, Batman! You may have found nine of my fear-gas bombs, but you missed the one I hid und-”

“Under the Clocktower.”

Scarecrow would have looked taken aback, if he hadn’t been wearing a glorified straw tick over his face. He sighed, “....you’re going to punch me now, aren’t you?”

It was more of a statement than a question, really, so replying was unnecessary; Batman slugged him.

-

Batman sat down behind the Batcomputer and pulled back his cowl, sighing. Only 2 AM, so Bruce could get some sleep tonight - technically this morning. Not that he particularly craved sleep, but he’d been running on fumes since the most recent mass breakout. While there were still some inmates running rogue, Scarecrow had been the last really dangerous one.

Usually Freeze would be dangerous, however this time his escape was probably due to the fact that Arkham’s a/c failed in the middle of a heatwave, rather than another attempt to revive his wife and/or turn amoral businessmen into freeze-pops. Man-Bat, the other straggler... well, Man-Bat was the only other straggler.

Just when Bruce was nodding off, Alfred shook him awake. “Master Bruce, you are far too old to be carried up to bed, and I am far too old to be expected to lift you. Come along, now.”

“Hnn” Bruce grunted negatively at his most trusted butler, his only trusted butler. His only butler. His butler. Bruce blinked, and decided that he probably needed sleep more than he needed to argue with Alfred, and followed him upstairs.

-

Finally, Bruce was in his room and out of his suit. He’d just started to drift off... when he heard a flapping noise, and saw a large shape swoop over him.

Bruce momentarily knew how it felt to be one of the criminals he regularly faced: surprised, confused, and terrified. Given these factors, it’s unsurprising that he made a sound which can best be described as an attempt at communication with this nighttime visitor. His new friend, perhaps in appreciation, shrieked at him, then slammed into the wall.

Before Bruce could do more than sit upright, in the process flinging his blanket off the bed, it had turned around and frantically flapped away. Bruce stared at the doorway it had left from, completely flabbergasted.

Suddenly, Tim ran in, hair spiked in an almost artistic combination of days-old hair gel and bed-head, wide-eyed and wielding a curtain rod.

Tim took in the partially destroyed room, Bruce in all his still-filthy-from-battle, clad-only-in-woolen-underpants glory, and the untouched sandwich Alfred had thoughtfully left on the bedside table.

Tim slowly backed out of the room and closed the door. Bruce was wondering if he’d just had a very realistic dream when he heard a shriek.

The door opened again and Tim walked in, looking deceptively calm. “Did you know that Man-Bat is trying to bash his way through the walls?”

Bruce silently pulled up his fallen blanket, exposing an immense pile of guano.

Tim nodded, turned around, and shrieked again.

Bruce sighed, for once lamenting the fact that he had an excuse not to sleep.

-

2 hours of corralling later, Bruce, Tim, Alfred, and a sleep-frazzled Dick had managed to get the good doctor downstairs. 

Tim, in an endeavor to help the visually impaired rodent orient himself, had retrieved a pair of bongos from somewhere and was beating a steady rhythm in the dining room, while Bruce had picked up Tim’s discarded curtain rod and was guarding the stairs.

Dick, a true visionary, had retrieved Bruce’s soiled blanket and was perched on the mantelpiece, ready to throw it over Man-Bat. However, as soon as he got into position, Man-Bat decided that the chandelier was in fact the sun, and, being nocturnal, went to sleep on the ceiling.

Dick and Bruce stared at the massive dangling rodent, suddenly feeling the bags under their eyes. Alfred, who was sitting in the corner nursing a cup of tea, shook his head and started chuckling.

Tim, hearing no shrieking or flapping, stopped his sick beat and came to investigate. “...how are we so bad at handling bats?”

“After sharing a cave with Bruce for 11 years, the cave bats know better than to bother him. There’s a reason we have Nickelback’s entire discography on the Batcomputer.” Dick yawned, dropping the putrid blanket and stretching. “Well, I should head off to bed, gotta back to the ‘haven early tomorrow, promised Clancy I’d help her put in some new windows.”

Tim, still contemplating Nickelback, followed Dick upstairs. Alfred shook his head and patted Bruce on the back. He knew what was coming.

Bruce hadn’t stopped staring at Man-Bat since he’d landed on the ceiling. While in flight he’d seemed monstrous and at the same time terrified, at sleep he looked peaceful, natural. In the right light, even cute; almost like a kitten. A large, befanged, formerly human kitten who ate a lot of bugs.

Bruce put his head in his hands, and went to bulk order fruit and insects.

He’d never been one to turn away a stray.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired partly by not 1, but 2 separate instances where a bat got stuck in my house. Did you know they smell like vinegar? I did not.
> 
> I've been informed that some people may take this as pre-Bruce/Man-Bat. It... is not. At all.
> 
> I couldn't find an official floor-plan of Wayne Manor, so I used this https://geckobot.deviantart.com/art/Wayne-Manor-Main-Floor-Plan-517075643


End file.
